Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
