Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
