mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
