May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
