The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
