we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
