Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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