I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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