my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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