Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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