i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
