So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
