i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
