There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
