Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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