you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
