I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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