She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
