FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
