How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
