I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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