So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
