week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
