none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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