Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
