I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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