Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
