My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize