Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
