Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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