yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
