I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
