why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize