If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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