I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
