I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need a beard to bite.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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