everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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