omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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