Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
