We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
