I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
