the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
