ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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