I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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