I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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