I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
