96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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