So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
