she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
