i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
