I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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