i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
