she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
