i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
