no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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