Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
