just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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