The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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