: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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