AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
