so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I smell like Dick and happiness
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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