So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
