just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
