I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
