is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
