fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I forget how to act sober
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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