they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
