I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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