my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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