I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize