i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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