How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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